


Wand

by RJLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Rent - Larson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - RENT, Alternate Universe - Voldemort Wins, Broadway, Character Death Fix, Comedy, Crack, Depression, F/F, F/M, Filk, Gen, M/M, Musicals, Out of Character, Post-Deathly Hallows AU, Post-Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Singing, Sirius Lives, Song Lyrics, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-18 01:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3550574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Harry Potter version of Jonathan Larson's musical "Rent" set five years after Harry's attempt to defeat Lord Voldemort. When Harry failed to kill Voldemort, Harry sunk into a deep depression and Ginny may be the only light in his life that could possibly fix it. Ron is still in love with Hermione even though she no longer feels the same way, Lupin gets a second chance at happiness he never thought possible, and Draco Malfoy still hates everyone. An Author's Universe filked story musical.</p><p>How can you fly a broom when it<br/>Just wants to make sure that you will miss the snitch?<br/>These jinxes, mishaps, wins and loss<br/>Will spill you round and fall off the pitch!<br/>Wand!<br/>How can you survive when the wand, the wizard's extension of<br/>His own soul goes away?<br/>What keeps the magic together when a raging, crazy, dark wizard<br/>Brings evil to stay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Owls and Wands

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ:
> 
> "Wand" based on Jonathan Larson's musical "Rent." Originally filked and written in 2006. I'm using the Original Broadway Cast Recording, so that means every song in order! If you've only seen the movie, you can just skip the songs you're not familiar with, and some of the songs that did make it in the film are missing some extra verses.
> 
> Originally I wrote out the entire story as a narrative with songs stuck in, but looking back, I think it's really difficult to follow along to the music without it written out in script format. This version is just the filked songs, but I may post the written fanfiction version eventually.
> 
> The lyrics in general are a little similar to Jonathan Larson's, which I normally wouldn't do, but I wanted to use the story of Rent as a basic outline and have it be easy to see the connections between the story and the characters.
> 
> Also- Cast list!
> 
> Roger Davis- Harry Potter  
> Mimi Marquez- Ginny Weasley  
> Mark Cohen- Ron Weasley  
> Maureen Johnson- Hermione Granger  
> Joanne Jefferson- Luna Lovegood  
> Tom Collins- Remus Lupin  
> Angel Dumott Schunard- Sirius Black  
> Benjamin Coffin III- Draco Malfoy

 

_SCENE: HARRY and RON 's apartment in Diagon Alley. HARRY is being depressed sitting in his same old chair. RON enters._

_("CHEER UP #1" to the tune of "TUNE UP #1)  
  
  
_**RON:  
** It's August 17th, eight p.m.  
In the wizard world  
Five years ago we left from Hogwarts school  
Not too much has happened since it  
Just the same old shit  
Here is Harry!  
Sitting the way he has been  
And hasn't moved for ten days!  
  
**HARRY:  
** That's not true!  
  
**RON:  
** So you say  
He fought the Dark Lord  
Who isn't dead like we thought  
  
**HARRY:  
** Are you reminding again?  
  
**RON:  
** Of course not  
Don't be so blue  
Think of what you can do  
Tell the Quidditch fans what you're doing, Harry!  
  
**HARRY:  
** I'm being so emo  
  
_(An OWL SCREECH is heard outside the window)_  
  
**RON:  
** An owl!  
  
**HARRY:  
** Yes!  
  
**RON:  
** Here comes...  
It looks like a letter from my mum...  
  
_("OWL #1" filked to "VOICE MAIL #1")_  
  
**PIGWIDGEON:**  
SCREEEEEEEEEECH!  
  
**MRS. WEASLEY:**  
This owl is such a spaz  
I don't even know if this will make it  
Ron, Ron, are you there?  
If you're reading this now  
It's mum  
  
I wanted to let you know- I love you!  
And I miss you like always  
Bill, Charlie, and twins are here, why not you?  
Well, I hope you liked the sweater  
Yes, it is maroon, dear  
It matches your eyes  
  
Oh, and Ron  
I'm sorry to hear Hermi'ne dumped you  
I say, let it be  
That smart ass, bookworm, lesbian!  
She'll learn this mistake was so loony!  
Love, Mum  
  
_(RON puts the letter down and looks away, disgusted. He tries to distract himself by cheering Harry up once again)  
__("CHEER UP #2" to the tune of "TUNE UP #2")  
  
_**RON:**  
Tell the Quidditch fans what you're doing, Harry!  
  
**HARRY:  
** I'm being so emo--!  
  
_(The phone rings)  
  
_**RON:  
** The Phone rings _  
  
_**HARRY:**  
Yes!  
  
**RON:  
** Same thing  
  
_(RON goes to answer the fellytone, but is too late. It goes to the answering machine. Incidentally, because Harry was never allowed to use the Dursley's phone and Ron calls it a fellytone, they didn't know how to record an answering machine message, so their message is...)  
  
_**HARRY and RON'S VOICEMAIL MESSAGE:  
** Uhhhh....  
  
**LUPIN:  
** Moonlight shining...  
  
_(Ron snatches up the phone from voicemail immediately)  
_

**RON and HARRY:  
** Lupin!  
  
**LUPIN:  
** I'm outside  
  
**RON:**  
Hey!  
  
**LUPIN** : (smirking) **  
** You worked your fellytone?  
  
**RON:** (smugly) **  
** Yes I did!  
  
**LUPIN:  
** What a big kid  
  
**RON:** (to Harry)  
A visit from him brings a smile  
  
_(LUPIN'S laughter suddenly stops.)  
  
_**LUPIN:  
** I may be a while...  
  
_(LUPIN abruptly hangs up the phone)  
  
  
_**RON:  
** What does he mean?  
  
_(the Phone rings again. RON picks it up quickly and assumes it's LUPIN calling back)_

 **RON:  
** What do you mean 'a while'?  
  
_(It's not Lupin. It's a person who foiled yet another aspect of Ron's perfect life because they had not burned in hell like planned. It's Draco Malfoy!)  
  
_**DRACO:**  
Weasel-bee!  
  
**RON and HARRY:  
** Malfoy! Shit!  
  
**DRACO:  
** Look, I'm coming there  
  
**RON and HARRY:  
** Here? Fuck!  
  
**DRACO:  
** I want your soul  
  
**RON:  
** Who's soul?  
  
**DRACO:  
** It's Potty's soul that's still left whole  
  
**RON:  
** Left whole?  
Who knew, since he saved you?  
  
**HARRY:  
** When I fought Voldemort  
  
**RON:  
** And back at Hogwarts  
  
**HARRY:  
** Remember? I saved you!  
  
**DRACO:  
** How could I forget?  
You, me, and Hermione  
How is that MudBloody?  
  


**RON:  
** She'll be protesting soon  
  
**DRACO:  
** I know  
Still polishing the wand with her?

 **RON:  
** Hey Malfoy, you've got me stumped  
  
******DRACO:  
** You still dating her?  
  
**RON:  
** No, I just got dumped  
  
**HARRY:  
** She found love  
  
**DRACO:  
** Oh, a new fella?  
  
**RON:  
** Um, no  
  
**DRACO:  
** What's his name?  
  
**RON:  
** Luna  
  
**DRACO:  
** We have to talk tomorrow  
So make sure you're there, and don't go  
Or you'll pay, you know  
  
_(MALFOY hangs up. HARRY and RON are enraged from this demanding conversation. RON realizes exactly what he can do to cheer both Harry and himself-- curse Malfoy up! Unfortunately, he cannot remember where he last placed his wand. HARRY and RON start to search the apartment for Ron's wand.)  
  
('"WAND" to the tune of "RENT")  
  
_**RON:**  
How do you live a magic life  
When magic's getting so  
More tragic each day?  
Classes, asses  
It's not right  
Anyone catch sight  
What I lost today:  
Wand!  
  
**HARRY:**  
How do you cast a spell  
When you go through hell  
Cause you don't have your magic stick  
When you have no power  
Your life goes sour-  
What? No, Ron, I don't mean-- you're sick!  
  
**RON:**  
But it's great innuendo  
  
**HARRY:**  
Hey, you've got a point, so  
  
**HARRY and RON:**  
How we gonna charm  
How we gonna charm  
How we gonna charm  
Where's my wand?  
  
**RON:**  (spoken)  
We'll light it up!  
  
**HARRY:**  
How do you kill a dark lord  
If you've nothing to use  
And it feels like I am stuck in the blues?  
  
**RON:**  
How can you think about him  
When my girlfriend is dim!  
  
**HARRY and RON:**  
Why's our life so grim?  
  
**RON:**  
Where's my relationship?  
  
**HARRY:**  
Must kill him!  
  
**RON:**  
Let's pun quip  
  
**HARRY and RON:**  
How we gonna charm  
How we gonna charm  
How we gonna charm  
Where's my wand?  
  
_(The SCENE cuts to LUNA meeting up with HERMIONE at their apartment. The place is covered in parchment and textbooks, as HERMIONE is preparing another huge protest on behalf of S.P.E.W., which she has taken on as a career)_  
  
**LUNA:**  
Don't turn, my Herm  
It's me, Luna!  
Your S.P.E.W. assistant!  
Hey, hey, hey! (Are they freed?)  
Don't quote the textbook, I'll churn  
Now darling, how 'bout some Snorkack suffrage?  
But Snorkacks live!  
But Snorkacks live!  
Your new house-elf footage?  
Isn't all gone exactly...  
It was just eaten by my Pogrebon...  
Why would you get Ron?!  
  
_(The SCENE cuts to LUPIN on the streets outside HARRY and RON'S apartment. LUPIN has foolishly forgotten that it is a full moon tonight)_  
  
**LUPIN:**  
How do you live like a man  
When a wolf side can control your mind  
And tonight it runs  
How could I forget?  
Oh, no, I should sit  
I'm such a git!  
And uh-oh here it comes!  
  
**RON:** (looking out the window for Lupin as he takes a break from his search)  
Where is he?  
  
**LUPIN:** (beginning to transform)  
Getting wolfy  
  
**HARRY and RON:**  
How we gonna charm  
How we gonna charm  
How we gonna charm  
Where's my wand?  
  
_(The SCENE cuts to Malfoy Manor where DRACO lives with his wife PANSY PARKINSON. Furious at himself for even using a Muggle device, he wanders the halls and runs into PANSY)_  
  
**DRACO:**  
Pansy, my baby you look mad  
I can't believe those jerks after all those years at school  
Ever since I met them, we fought  
They'll see I can make them all learn who makes the rules!   
  
_(The following lines occurs simultaneously)_  
  
**DRACO:**  
Dementors gathering  
Dementors gathering  
Can't hide away  
Dementors gathering.  
  
**LUPIN:**  
Uggh! Arrrgh! Uggh! Arrgh! Uggh! Arrgh! Ugghh!  
Can't restrain!  
Uggh! Arrgh! Ugghh! Arggh!   
  
**RON:**  
The wizard is not the one to choose his own wand  
  
**LUNA:**  
But Herms, I'm not a normal person!  
  
**HARRY:**  
The wizard just has to wait until they feel instant bond  
  
**LUNA:**  
Could never be a normal person!  
  
**RON:**  
Now watch the wizard polishing his wand  
  
**HARRY:**  
If it was long and it wasn't gone!  
  
**LUNA:**  
Hermy!  
  
_(All simultaneous singing now ends)_  
  
**RON:**  (receiving the owl Hermione has just sent him)  
What's this? Hermy?  
Luna's pet ate your stuff?  
Okay, I'll go, enough!  
  
**ALL:**  
How can you fly a broom when it  
Just wants to make sure that you will miss the snitch?  
These jinxes, mishaps, wins and loss  
Will spill you round and fall off the pitch!  
Wand!   
  
How can you survive when the wand, the wizard's extension of  
His own soul goes away?  
What keeps the magic together when a raging, crazy, dark wizard  
Brings evil to stay?  
  
**DRACO:**  
Draw a spell with the stick and then swish and flick  
  
**HARRY:**  
With your chess you'll go far  
  
**RON:**  
You've got a scar  
  
**ALL:**  
When times get dark  
You make your mark   
How we gonna charm  
How we gonna charm  
How we gonna charm  
With no wand  
Light my wand  
Find my wand  
Wand, wand, wand, wand, wand  
Where the hell is my wand?  
Cause everything is wand!  
  
  
  



	2. Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally filked 2006. Apologies for calling Voldemort "Voldy." Sometimes it just scans better...

_SCENE: A deserted alley by HARRY and RON'S apartment, nighttime. LUPIN, transformed into a wolf, is hiding in a corner, sore and listening to sounds of the night. A WIZARD passes by.  
_

_("YOU OKAY, WOLFY?"  to the tune of "YOU OKAY, HONEY?")_

_  
_**WIZARD:**  
Everything is changing  
Everything is changing  
Everything is changing  
Nothing stays the same  
  
_(A LARGE BLACK DOG comes out of the alley shadows and approaches LUPIN. It's SIRIUS, although LUPIN has no idea, because SIRIUS was supposed to have died beyond the veil. VOLDEMORT brutally killed TONKS during HARRY'S last fight with him, and so LUPIN has spent the years coming to terms with the fact that everyone he loves dies. Even so, LUPIN feels something awfully familiar about this dog).  
  
_**SIRIUS:  
** You okay, wolfy?  
  
**LUPIN:  
** I'm pretty sure  
  
**SIRIUS:  
** You're not hurting badly?  
  
**LUPIN:**  
No, not anymore  
I've done this all for years  
Yet it never goes  
  
_(Concerned, SIRIUS comes closer to LUPIN and curls up against him)  
  
_**LUPIN:  
** Thanks  
  
**SIRIUS:  
** Well, one day, who knows?  
I'm Padfoot  
  
_(LUPIN'S eyes widen at this new information, and starts to wonder if this transformation has made him delusional)  
_  
**LUPIN:  
** Padfoot... indeed?  
The dog star, wonder where you are...  
I'm Remus Lupin  
Or "Moony"  
Nice tail...  
  
**SIRIUS:  
** Let's get some healing for your ails  
I'll change  
There's a Life Just Sucks meeting where I'll soon be  
Yes, this doggy is a real human outside  
But every hour and day I am forced to hide  
  
**LUPIN:  
** As am I  
  
**SIRIUS:**  
Wow, we'll get along sly  
Get you some food  
End the roam at my home  
And rest  
  
**LUPIN:  
** But there's friends I'm meeting  
  
**SIRIUS:  
** How cute, your protest  
Come spend a little time with me  
And you'll like what you see  
  
_(SIRIUS winks at LUPIN and urges him to follow. LUPIN slowly rises to his feet, and the dog and wolf walk out into the night)  
  
__(SCENE: HARRY and RON'S apartment. HARRY is back to being miserable in his favorite_ _chair.)_  
  
**RON:** (spoken)  
I don't suppose you'd like to go to Quality Quidditch Supplies? Or maybe the Leaky Cauldron?  
  
**HARRY:** (spoken)  
I told you. No. And besides, why would you go to Quality Quidditch Supplies at this time of night? Wouldn't they be closed?  
  
**RON:** (spoken)  
Er... yeah. But it might've made you feel better. Look, I'm just going out for a few things. You should change your mind and get out.  
  
_("CHEER UP #3" to the tune of "TUNE UP #3")  
  
_ Close on Harry  
His Dark Lord rival  
Came to fight and killed more people  
Before disappearing into darkness  
  
_(RON understands why HARRY is miserable, but it's been five years. Time to move on. RON exits. HARRY reflects in his chair. He can't just move on when the entire Wizarding World had been depending on him. Some people didn't blame him and still supported him. But some people were definitely upset he didn't destroy VOLDEMORT once and for all. Why didn't the plan work? He was so close, everything used to always work out for him, ever since he was a baby...)  
  
__("ONE SCAR GLORY" to the tune of "ONE SONG GLORY")_  
  
**HARRY:  
** One scar glory  
One scar that changed the world  
Glory  
One scar that started all

Use this scar  
Find where you are  
Voldy  
Kill the evil dark wizard  
Who always triumphs over me

One night  
The night when it all began  
Voldy  
Set his eyes on a young girl  
My mother

My parents  
They tried their best to defend  
But then they both met their end  
That's when  
Everything came down to me

Scar thrills  
Scar kills  
Glory  
This scar's my story  
This scar's my story  
Story

Find Horcrux  
And I thought I could win  
Win like the Headmaster said  
Make mortal again

Kill Voldy  
This defeat will bring  
Glory  
You'll be known as the hero  
The hero

But  
Now I know  
Nothing is easy as that  
Story  
Lives forever  
I can't  
Just redeem our tortured lives

Scar thrills  
And then the night you can't put up the fight  
Scar kills  
  
_(There is a knock at the door. HARRY assumes it's RON coming back)  
  
_**HARRY:** _(spoken)  
_ The door.  
And here I go, getting out of the chair, walking to the door, and opening it, just for you!  
  
_(HARRY goes to open the door and discovers it's not RON at all, but his younger sister GINNY, smirking at him. HARRY deliberately hasn't seen GINNY in ages because he has been trying to protect her, and keep GINNY safe from suffering the same fate that TONKS had. All this time away made HARRY forget just how pretty she is and how much he still misses her)  
  
_ ( _"LIGHT MY WAND UP" to the tune of "LIGHT MY CANDLE")  
  
  
_**HARRY:  
** What'd you forget?  
  
**GINNY:  
** Got a wand?  
  
**HARRY:  
** I know you, you're--   
You're Ron's sister  
  
**GINNY:  
** It's been years, Harry, and I've grown  
You should call me by the name that's my own  
Would you light my wand up?  
  
_(She pulls her wand out of her pocket and holds it up to HARRY, then notices his eyes are trailing down as he stares at her)  
_  
What are you staring at?  
  
**HARRY:  
** Nothing!  
Your hair in the moonlight  
It's very fiery  
Like it's burning  
  
**GINNY:  
** Something might burn up, if you care  
But it'll only burn up once we're there  
What?  
  
**HARRY:  
** Nothing  
It's just you're making me think of--  
  
**GINNY:  
** I always get people to think--  
Of who then?  
  
**HARRY:** (embarrassed) **  
** My ex  
You know, Miss Cho Chang  
  
**GINNY:  
** That skanky bitch!  
I mean, what a witch  
Would you light my wand up?  
  
**HARRY:  
** Well...  
  
**GINNY:  
** Yeah? Mmm  
  
**HARRY:  
** Oh, this wand  
It's-- 

**GINNY:  
** \--Waiting  
I really think you should--  
  
**HARRY:  
** Look up! The spell now  
Uh huh. That's right  
  
_(Feeling stupid and extremely distracted by GINNY, to the point where he can't remember the Lumos spell, HARRY takes GINNY's wand and quickly turns away from her. He looks at the wand and desperately thinks, "light up, please!" and shakes it. To his surprise, it works and the wand lights up. He turns back to GINNY.)  
  
_**HARRY:  
** Is this any good?  
  
**GINNY:** (smirking)  
Yeah. I think there's a better way  
  
**HARRY:  
** I know, I've heard things can be easy  
But they aren't for me  
The wand dimmed, see?  
  
_(HARRY hands the wand back to_ GINNY)  
  
**GINNY:  
** I knew it  
There must be something else we can do  
This can work  
If I work with you  
  
**HARRY:**  
With you?  
  
_(GINNY deliberately drops her wand on the floor, and bends down in an extremely suggestive way to pick it back up_ again)  
  
**GINNY:  
** They say that I have the best ass  
Ever at Hogwarts  
Is it true?  
  
**HARRY:**  
What?  
  
**GINNY:  
** You're staring again  
  
**HARRY:** (embarrassed)  
I'm not  
Although, you do--  
Have a nice--   
I mean!  
You make me crazy!  
  
**GINNY:  
** Just like Miss Cho Chang  
  
**HARRY:  
** Well she always cried  
But you know you've got me mystified  
  
**GINNY:  
** Have you been to the Hog's Head Pub?  
Lately it's quite the place  
Find a spell!  
  
_(HARRY thinks of the Hog's Head and remembers the place it used to be. But with ABERFORTH dead, he recalls it's not just a bar anymore. There are still drinks, yes, but also a lot of naughtily dancing witches. Last time he went with RON, he remembers there was someone familiar...)  
  
_**HARRY:  
** Yes!  
I saw you swish and flick  
  
**GINNY:  
** It's a living  
  
**HARRY:  
** I didn't recognize you  
In all that black lace  
  
**GINNY:  
** We should light my wand up  
It's dark, so light my wand up  
  
_(HARRY realizes that even though he's going along with her game, GINNY is definitely not going to stop trying to flirt with him)_  
  
**HARRY:  
** Why don't you forget this stuff?  
It was so long ago  
  
**GINNY:  
** Not that long!  
And we've been through this, so  
Why not skip to the yes?  
  
**HARRY:  
** Once t'was easy to say yes  
But now I'm trapped in this mess  
  
**GINNY:  
** I'll make it good, you know it  
  
**HARRY:**  
You couldn't guess  
  
**GINNY:  
** Let me at it!  
  
**HARRY:  
** Oh yeah?  
You know what, my life just sucks  
  
**GINNY:  
** It sure won't if we suck some--  
  
**HARRY:  
** Oh no  
  
**GINNY:  
** \--thing else  
  
**HARRY** : (remembering the spell suddenly) **  
** Oh here! It's--  
  
**GINNY:  
** What's that?  
  
**HARRY:  
** It's the Lumos spell.  
  
_(HARRY takes GINNY'S wand, lights it up with the spell, and hands it back to her)  
  
_**GINNY:  
** Now you've lit my wand up  
Oh, why don't you light your wand up?  
  
**HARRY:  
** I can't believe this  
  
**GINNY:  
** Believe it, it's true  
Let me stay with you  
  
**HARRY:  
** Maybe, I would, but it won't do  
Listen, I know I can't be with you  
  
**GINNY:  
** Oh, Harry  
Oh, Harry  
  
**HARRY:  
** We're done  
  
**GINNY:  
** We'll start  
Please  
Open your heart  
You wanna kiss?  
  
**HARRY:  
** No, none  
  
**GINNY:  
** Oh,  
Well that's no fun!  
  
**HARRY:  
** Maybe one  
  
**GINNY:  
** Wait and see  
You'll want me  
Ginny  
  
_(GINNY kisses HARRY briefly on the lips, and then slowly backs away to leave, staring at him all the way out the door)  
  
_**HARRY:** _(spoken)  
_ Maybe I really should get out of the house some


End file.
